Karen's Journey

And a video to go with it: You Know It's Love That Makes a Family

It's time for the annual telling of my "Miracle Menorah" story. When I worked at public radio station WAER, in addition to raising the money, finding underwriters, doing all publicity, writing promo and underwriting spots -- sometimes producing them and logging them, and helping out in the news department from time to time, I was in charge of decorating the office for the holidays. Get the tree, trim the tree, be able to answer the Kwanzaa questions my boss threw at me -- "Imani, abaregani, asanti sana" -- and setting up our flimsy and admittedly very cheesy electric menorah. One year I pulled it out, plugged it in, and only seven bulbs lit up. I took out the one that was not working and replaced it with one that was working, but nada. Still no light. So, we had a menorah with seven lights instead of eight. I was a bit busy -- no time to run out and buy a new one, so we dealt with the one we had. It would be no problem initially anyway, since I purposely loo

This was the scene last year at about this time at our house. Tomorrow we're predicted for sunshine and 50+ degrees. I think I'm liking this year's weather better. The one drawback is that T is free on Sundays at our local ski area as long as he's five. He's got about six more weeks on that deal. I was hoping we'd get several outings in before he turned six, but it's a no-go until we get some snow. So I guess either way works. Snow, no snow...either way it's a plus, I guess.

Thanksgiving Day 5K Turkey Trot 2011 -- Pre-Race With My #1 Fan Some of my friends remember me from my pre-PF (plantar fasciitis) running days. The days when a 25 minute training 5K run while engaged in conversation was just a walk in the Onondaga Lake Park. When 40-plus points in the noontime running league I participate in was -- well -- a walk in the park. When I could be the only woman in a heat of an 800 and lead for the first three 200 meter laps -- until I psyched myself out -- I'm still mad at myself about that. And then I turned 40, poised for master's running success -- still setting PR's in the longer distances, ready for my 40s to be my time. But my feet had other ideas. I managed a half marathon -- and a hike of Mt. Washington in New Hampshire -- on the blessed relief of a cortisone shot that actually worked. But once it wore off -- eight years of excruciating pain began. Four years in the left foot, followed by four years in my right foot. I've

To paraphrase Pauline Phillips (the original Dear Abby): On this day of giving thanks, We are thankful for food and remember the hungry; We are thankful for health and remember the sick; We are thankful for freedom and remember those who have no voice. May these remembrances stir us to service, so our gifts may be used for others. Wishing you and your loved ones a day filled with thanks -- and giving. Sweet potato kale soup with veggie sausage simmering on the stove!

An important read for anyone who has a child struggling with grief -- which includes all of us with adopted children. Here's a sample: #9 – Even though I might be acting out, what I’m really feeling is intense emotions of grief. Grieving children frequently feel sad, angry, confused, or scared. Since they might not know how to express all of these emotions, they often end up acting out instead. Ten Things to Understand About Children's Grief

I read that people who keep track of what they are grateful for are more likely to achieve their professional and personal goals. So I am jumping on the "things I am thankful for" bandwagon. First thing: "We come unbidden into this life, and if we are lucky we find a purpose beyond starvation, misery, and early death which, lest we forget is the common lot." From Cutting for Stone by Abraham Ver ghese.  Indeed, we in this country do not realize that our lives, and our comforts, are by far the exception, not the rule. Running water. Clean water. Immunizations. Education available to all/required for all (no keeping the oldest boy home to take care of the farm; no keeping the girls home to haul water and firewood). Social programs that ensure that kids do not starve to death (hunger is a problem here, but not starvation). So, I am thankful for having arrived unbidden into this country. What a stroke of good fortune. And I am thankful to have the opportu

He got to help drive the tractor!

In the middle of this long, dark haul called developmental trauma disorder, it can seem like we're making no progress at all. One day blurs into the next and change is imperceptible. But looking back at two photos of apple picking trips, I feel like we can claim a small victory. The first photo is from October 2010. Mr. Grumpy was in full force. Nothing was right. It seemed like we heard nothing but complaints. He was just generally angry, and not just that day -- every day. We tried to take some nice photos to be able to share with his family in Ethiopia, but he was not at all cooperative. The most frustrating thing was that  he was enjoying the experience, and getting a big kick out of the tractor ride. But he was not going to let us know that. On camera, off smile. Grump! October 2010 The next photo is from our apple picking trip this year, October 2011. Here we are on the tractor ride. T is allowing himself to enjoy the experience, and the smile is so natural and HAPPY. It

When Irish eyes are smilin'....St. Patty's Day 2010, five weeks home from Ethiopia   There's been a lot of chatter on a certain adoption board lately -- instigated unwittingly by me with a question regarding a school assignment -- about whether our children vicariously inherit our cultural heritage. Does a little boy from Ethiopia who is adopted by a Jewish family from the Bronx, for instance, become culturally Jewish? Or does he maintain his Ethiopian cultural heritage? What does he consider to be his past, and who are his ancestors? Does he have two sets -- one from Ethiopia and one from wherever in the world the adoptive parents' ancestors hailed from? Is he Jewish-American or Ethiopian-American? Or both? Both S's and my families have been in the United States too long to have retained any hyphenated cultural identity. S has to look up what county his family supposedly came from in Ireland -- neither of us can ever remember it. If there's family back

A lot of people are posting daily "what I'm thankful for" posts on Facebook this month. I'm not sure I'm up to that task, but I am thankful that we had some nice days this autumn to enjoy the annual leaf show -- and that our wind storm was kind enough to leave some leaves for us to enjoy. I wanted to share this photo from our apple/pumpkin picking outing a couple of weeks ago before we make the final turn into winter. My goal this year will be to somehow find beauty in November -- I find it a difficult month for nature photos with its predominately gun-metal grays, but I will be looking this year for whatever nuggets it may have to offer.

BOO! Today was pumpkin carving day. Pumpkin carving is a lot more work than I expected it to be. First you have to cut the top off, then you have to scoop out all the "guts" (ewww), then you have to figure out what you want your pumpkin to look like, and then your Mommy or Daddy has to cut out the design.  Aww, this pumpkin is so cute!   T made his pumpkin really scary. T's Mommy's pumpkin is a happy pumpkin. T's Daddy's pumpkin is silly. I was trying to decide which one I like best, but I can't. Can you? Which pumpkin is silly? Which pumpkin is happy?  Which pumpkin is scary? Today is my last day with T. Tomorrow I go back to school and will go home with another great kid. I hope T and his family keep having a lot of fun. I know he's looking forward to hearing about all my new adventures with my next friend!    Looking cool for school!

Everyone was really busy with chores and errands today. I hung out with the pumpkins that were inside warming up getting ready for carving. T had his second ice skating lesson. I didn't go with him, because he has enough to think about trying to stay standing up on the ice. Tomorrow is pumpkin carving day! Yippee! Almost went down here! But he recovered -- this time.   Looking forward to pumpkin carving tomorrow! Are those pumpkins on T's jammies, or planets?

I was so excited all day, waiting for it to be time to go to Family Fun Night at Stonehedge. Finally, it was time to go! I helped with T's snake face painting. Then I stayed with T's Daddy while T played with his friends. We ate pizza again -- twice in one week! What a fun night! I hope I get to go again next year! Here I am helping with T's face painting. Snakes are easy to draw. You just make them look like the letter 'S'.

Wow. This week is sure going by quickly. I had kind of a quiet day today, but T and his Daddy came home early. That meant I got to play with T earlier than usual! Hooray! After dinner we played the Cars matching game. T is the champion matching game player, but his Mommy did pretty well tonight. She kind of won, but T also kind of won because he was helping me, so he gets credit for both his matches and mine.  T's favorite matching game. I got a match!  Here are all the cards I got! Not too shabby! Before bed, T read the book  Can You See Me? to me. He read the whole book, all by himself, except I helped by pointing at the words. Wow! Reading is FUN! I hear that tomorrow night I'm going to Family Fun Night at Stonehedge. Woohoo!

Today was band night! Awesomeness! First of all, it's always pizza night on band night -- and we got dessert.  Mmmm, pizza! Then I got to play drums with T.  I liked all the noise I could make playing the drums! I also helped T's Daddy play guitar and sing vocals and T's friend M play bass.  Giving T's Daddy some help with vocals . M gave me a lesson in playing bass! He's really good! I learned a lot from him. We rocked the house! T and  his Mommy went out to get T some new sneakers while the band rehearsed, and when they got back they could hear us from outside! We played all original tunes. I was glad they didn't do a cover of Peter Gabriel's "Shock the Monkey." Whew .

Today I stayed home with T's Mommy while T went to school. I helped her work. She helps public broadcasting stations raise money. I think she needs help cleaning her office, but I don't seem to have a functioning opposable thumb, so she's on her own. Maybe I can vacuum.  Here I am, hard at work! But, I got to play with her PBS friends and drink hot cocoa out of her radio station mugs. Bonus! Where in the world is Rainbow?

Hi! My name is Rainbow. I'm visiting T from school this week, and I want to keep all my friends updated on our fun activities together.   Here I am, riding Genny, the West Genesee Wildcat! I arrived at T's house at about the same time as the IRS notice that T's Mommy needs to find and send more documentation for this year's taxes. She was sure happy to see both of us! But we went to Friendly's for dinner and once she got to know me, she realized how fun I am to be around and I made her laugh on a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.  T's Mommy doesn't like those pink papers from the IRS very much. But she sure likes me! T had hamburgers and apple slices for dinner. This is the first time he's ever chosen apple slices over french fries. His mommy was very happy to see him gobbling up his apple. Then he got a sundae for dessert. I tried to steal an M & M out of his ice cream dish, but I was busted! Oh well, M & Ms aren't good fo

Although they are mostly on the ground now (sigh), the leaves of Fall have been entertaining T, as he carefully selects the prettiest ones to give to Mommy. He wants to make a crown for me out of them. Mr. Crabby Pants can walk out of the house to wait for the bus in the morning, but something about searching for the most brightly colored leaves changes his mind-set, and I get my happy, loving child back. Who actually will accept the kiss and hug he refused five minutes before. Leaf hunting therapy. Whatever works!

When I was younger, fall was my favorite season. It seemed, as I day-dreamed out the school windows, that the crimsons, golds, and fiery oranges were a painted canvas to be enjoyed for weeks on end. Now the leaves are a fleeting show of glorious colors one weekend only to be ripped off by a windstorm the next, leaving us to stare at a world of gray and white for the next seven months. Perhaps if I actually had a window to look out while working, I could contentedly watch the season ease into into its show throughout the weeks of September and October, until finally exploding into the grand finale -- and not feel so cheated when the leaves are so unceremoniously flung to the ground to make way for the coming snow. Oh, autumn, to quote Marvell: "...yonder all before us lie Deserts of vast eternity. Thy beauty shall no more be found..." So while I was at Green Lakes over the weekend, I took time to just soak in the colors, albeit with a five year old at my side peppering m

I'm not going to say that using the tips we learned at the attachment seminar has created a life of sunshine and daisies for us, but we may be making progress. The other night, T wanted to play games on my computer. I agreed to let him play for 20 minutes if he would play Connect Four with me afterward. He decided he'd rather play his matching game, so I agreed to that. So for 20 minutes, T played Cheetah Racer on the pbs.kids website. Then we played the matching game, and he once again blew me out of the water. I cannot beat him at that game, no matter how hard I try. After he brushed his teeth and got his jammies on, and was heading toward the living room for our nightly fix of one PBS program or another, he turned around, hugged me, and said, "Thank you Mommy, for letting me use your computer and playing matching game with me." A "WOW" moment! Cartwheels and handsprings! Walking in the woods together -- another attempt at attachment work. Someone wa

I'm apparently having a hard time letting go of summer. Another Rockport, Mass. summer photo. It brings to mind one of my favorite childhood poems: Where Go the Boats (RLS) D ARK brown is the river.     Golden is the sand.   It flows along for ever,     With trees on either hand.      Green leaves a-floating,          5   Castles of the foam,   Boats of mine a-boating—     Where will all come home?      On goes the river     And out past the mill,   10 Away down the valley,     Away down the hill.      Away down the river,     A hundred miles or more,   Other little children   15   Shall bring my boats ashore

More from our seminar with Dr. Eshleman, who shared this list: Top Eight Don'ts for Parents Working Through Attachment in Adoption: 1) Don't take your child's behavior personally. 2) Don't get into blaming 3) Don't doubt yourself. You are your child's expert. 4) Don't always accept the first diagnosis. 5) Don't give up hope. 6) Don't go beyond your limits -- don't overstress yourself. 7) Don't believe that one person cannot do anything to make a difference. 8) Don't forget to join a network. I personally am on several listservs. I also found out about a support group in our area for adoptive moms. Dr. Eshleman recommends the Attachment and Trauma Network, which I have not yet checked out. Happy attaching!

S and I attended a GREAT attachment in adoption seminar yesterday, led by Dr. Eshleman. She has or had a clinic that specialized in attachment issues in Lancaster, PA, and really seems to know her stuff. As Sean put it, usually when he goes to seminars he thinks a lot of it is BS, but he never thought that once about our entire day. We came away with a lot of good things to work on, and I don't want to be stingy, so I'm sharing them here, for those who are struggling, desperate, or hanging off the edge of a cliff right now. We got into a lot of why our kids are they way they are, which I think every parent needs to learn about and understand, in order to buy into the fixes, but I just want to share the toolbox ideas here. There are plenty of books about why our children are so hurt -- emotionally traumatized -- and how that affects brain development. One of my favorites right now is "Adopting the Hurt Child" by Keck and Kupecky. There are a number of therapies that

I've been so negligent in posting photos of T's first day of kindergarten. I don't have a smart phone that uploads directly to facebook, or that allows me to email photos to myself, so I'm always a bit behind. And his first day of school was also the day we had to bring Digger to the vet to be put down, so it's was a day of mixed emotions for me.  Here he is with Daddy: And here is is waiting under the garage overhang for the bus and Tropical Storm Lee dumped on us. This is the second year in a row that the first day of school was yucky and rainy. I envy the parents who can take outside photos of their kids on the first day of school. Maybe next year for us. That's his "Whey the bus not coming?" look. Once it got here, he flew onto it without so much as a hug or kiss goodbye. He was one excited kid. No crying on the first day of kindergarten for him. He's been ready since January!

Jellies at the New England Aquarium. You just want to get in there and float around with them. Or maybe not. But what an ethereal quality to this image. Photo credit to hubby SK.

A tip of the hat to the flowers of summer, as we face our first threat of frost. These were found in a storefront window box in Rockport, Massachusetts back in August.

Our old girl, Digger, age somewhere between 10 and 11 isn't feeling too well lately. We're hoping we get some more time with her with some TLC, sub-cutaneous fluids, and arthritis medicine. She's such a good bunny -- so easy to pick up and carry around, loves petting, and usually slobbers my hand when I'm trying to put her baby food treat in her condo. Who knew that bunnies drool? She knows the word "pretzel" and goes crazy when she hears it, although I'm not sure how well she hears these days. She's T's favorite bunny because she lets him pet her. He loves to give her treats like carrots and strawberries. We will treasure however many more days we have with her.

T at the cottage on Cape Cod in June. I'm wondering if it will be beachfront property come Monday. Some of the houses across the street seemingly teeter on the edge of the cliff. We thought it would be hundreds of years before they would ever fall into the bay, but with global warming, we very well might see it in our lifetime. The increase in water level is evident in the lack of beach at high tide. We are keeping our family and many friends along the eastern seaboard in our thoughts as Irene approaches. In the meantime, dang, isn't he cute? He loves that house. He wants to live in it forever. Would be nice...

We went on a Boston Duck tour the other day in what can only be described as weather made for a duck. T had been looking forward to this event, fascinated by the idea that there's a car that can transform into a boat. ( More on Boston Duck tours ). After a brief red-light running foray around the North End, we made our way around yet another Boston construction site and entered the Charles River for the amphibious portion of the tour. Once we got out of the canal and underway up the nearly boatless river -- why no sculls were out in the middle of a Nor'easter, I can't say -- the captain turned the boat over to any willing underage pilots. T eagerly ran up front and took his place at the wheel. "Where are you from?" asked the Captain. "Itiopia," responded the little guy, shyly and quietly. "Where?" asked the Captaiin, not hearing. "Itiopia," said T, a little louder. "Where?" asked the Captain yet again. "IT

Four years ago tomorrow, on Aug. 13, I lost my constant companion and head-warmer, Blackjack (June 1990 - Aug. 13, 2007). I don't think I will ever get over it. He was The King of all cats and my best friend. His favorite spot, except for summer, was next to me in bed, under the covers, with his head on the pillow. Her arrived on Halloween night, a scared thin, flea-bitten kitten running down the street, meowing pitifully. Worried for a black cat's safety on Halloween, I took him in, intending to find a home for him. Hah. He was so incorrigible that I feared that any home that took him in would put him out on the street again. He was the most maniacal kitten I'd ever had. But what a great spirit. There was something very special about him. He was everyone's favorite cat -- even his vet grabbed him off the table one time, swung him around in her arms and said, "I love this cat!" He was also Kia's constant companion. I took her in, intending to find a hom