Attachment in Adoption -- Top Eight Don'ts

More from our seminar with Dr. Eshleman, who shared this list:

Top Eight Don'ts for Parents Working Through Attachment in Adoption:

1) Don't take your child's behavior personally.

2) Don't get into blaming

3) Don't doubt yourself. You are your child's expert.

4) Don't always accept the first diagnosis.

5) Don't give up hope.

6) Don't go beyond your limits -- don't overstress yourself.

7) Don't believe that one person cannot do anything to make a difference.

8) Don't forget to join a network. I personally am on several listservs. I also found out about a support group in our area for adoptive moms. Dr. Eshleman recommends the Attachment and Trauma Network, which I have not yet checked out.

Happy attaching!

Comments

  1. Kristen [Teamfuest]October 4, 2011 at 6:07 AM

    Thank you for these posts - I feel like I should bookmark them now, as I know I'll want to reference them later.

    ReplyDelete
  2. kareydkOctober 4, 2011 at 4:24 PM

    Number one was a tough one for me. I did take his behavior personally in the beginning -- one of my huge regrets for not having been directed toward this information before bringing my child home. But I'm not going to play the blame game -- I just keep trying to get the word out there for others!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Autumn Leaves -- Too Quickly

Image
When I was younger, fall was my favorite season. It seemed, as I day-dreamed out the school windows, that the crimsons, golds, and fiery oranges were a painted canvas to be enjoyed for weeks on end. Now the leaves are a fleeting show of glorious colors one weekend only to be ripped off by a windstorm the next, leaving us to stare at a world of gray and white for the next seven months. Perhaps if I actually had a window to look out while working, I could contentedly watch the season ease into into its show throughout the weeks of September and October, until finally exploding into the grand finale -- and not feel so cheated when the leaves are so unceremoniously flung to the ground to make way for the coming snow. Oh, autumn, to quote Marvell: "...yonder all before us lie Deserts of vast eternity. Thy beauty shall no more be found..." So while I was at Green Lakes over the weekend, I took time to just soak in the colors, albeit with a five year old at my side peppering m
Read more

What's Working

Claudia at  My Fascinating Life  wants to know what's working in our lives. I've been pondering this for several weeks now. A lot of things are not working the way they should be. My resolve to exercise more has been thwarted first by getting my period every other week over the course of five weeks -- the HRT pills were NOT working -- and then a recalcitrant and painful case of the shingles in my hip, which means no running or biking. This of course means my resolve to lose weight is not working either -- and doesn't bode well for an early triathlon attempt. My one word for this year "declutter" is not working out at all as I'd hoped. I started with the kitchen table. I get it decluttered. Two days later....back to square one. Not being able to recycle the hundreds of papers that come home from kindergarten when a certain child is around to see what is going on doesn't help. But this is supposed to be a posting about what is working. So here goes: Tim
Read more

Adopting the Older Child -- Part 4: Power Struggles

Image
The stairs at the right of the photo were the site of one of our early power struggles -- T wanted to jump from the platform, and I didn't want to him cracking open his skull. "I don't like you. You mean." I hear that a lot, typically in response to things like "Time to pick up your toys," or "You need to take your vitamin," or "It's time to get dressed for school," or "Time to brush your teeth." Basic, every day power struggle stuff. T wants to keep playing, doesn't want to go to school, doesn't like any of his clothes, doesn't understand why he needs to brush his teeth twice a day every day, and most definitely does not want to take those yucky vitamins. He even rebels at being called to the dinner table. I try to avoid power struggles by using the options approach: "It's time to get ready for school -- do you want to get dressed first or brush your teeth first?" Or, "It's time to get
Read more