Trauma Mama Daily Affirmation Day 9
If my child will not do an assigned chore, DO NOT FIGHT WITH HIM OVER IT.
Doing chores because "we're a family and everyone pitches in to help out the family" is tough for a kid who does not want to be part of this family.
Simply tell him, "That's okay. I will do it. But come sit in the room with me while I do it."
I tried this out last night with T, who does not want to have to set the table every night -- or any night -- and the fact that he eats the food is just too logical for him right now. When he's feeling like we're not being fair, or that he's being forced to get his ticket punched as part of our family, his brain drops into lower brain mode, where logic is a lost cause.
So I told him to wash his hands anyway, and just come sit in the room with me. Of course my child wanted to know why he had to sit in the room while I did his chore. He needs a reason for everything.
"Because I love to see your beautiful face and I don't get to see it enough," was my lame response.
He's going to catch on. You see, once you get them in the room, and they are just sitting there watching you work, odds are they're going to start pitching in to help. He'll figure this out by the end of the week.
But last night, he sat down on the couch -- we're eating in front of the TV so we can finish watching the Olympics -- while I set up the TV tables. Then I moved the blankets and said, "I need to make myself a chair." I like to sit on a pillow on the couch so my chin is above the top of the TV table.
He immediately started arranging the pillows to make my "chair." While he was doing that, I put the napkins on the tables and announced, "I don't know how to make them look fancy."
"I do!" he exclaimed. And he set about making very pretty folded napkins for us. And put the forks and spoons on them when he was finished.
"What a good job you did with those napkins!" I told him. "They look so nice!"
He beamed.
Table set and crankiness eliminated. Avery pleasant meal.
I wonder if this works with teenagers too.
Doing chores because "we're a family and everyone pitches in to help out the family" is tough for a kid who does not want to be part of this family.
Simply tell him, "That's okay. I will do it. But come sit in the room with me while I do it."
I tried this out last night with T, who does not want to have to set the table every night -- or any night -- and the fact that he eats the food is just too logical for him right now. When he's feeling like we're not being fair, or that he's being forced to get his ticket punched as part of our family, his brain drops into lower brain mode, where logic is a lost cause.
So I told him to wash his hands anyway, and just come sit in the room with me. Of course my child wanted to know why he had to sit in the room while I did his chore. He needs a reason for everything.
"Because I love to see your beautiful face and I don't get to see it enough," was my lame response.
He's going to catch on. You see, once you get them in the room, and they are just sitting there watching you work, odds are they're going to start pitching in to help. He'll figure this out by the end of the week.
But last night, he sat down on the couch -- we're eating in front of the TV so we can finish watching the Olympics -- while I set up the TV tables. Then I moved the blankets and said, "I need to make myself a chair." I like to sit on a pillow on the couch so my chin is above the top of the TV table.
He immediately started arranging the pillows to make my "chair." While he was doing that, I put the napkins on the tables and announced, "I don't know how to make them look fancy."
"I do!" he exclaimed. And he set about making very pretty folded napkins for us. And put the forks and spoons on them when he was finished.
"What a good job you did with those napkins!" I told him. "They look so nice!"
He beamed.
Table set and crankiness eliminated. Avery pleasant meal.
I wonder if this works with teenagers too.
You're a genius. We have struggled with chores lately; I am going to try this TODAY.
ReplyDeleteI hope it works for you! Might take a few tries. :o)
DeleteI have a kiddo, not traumatized who really would love to get out of every chore. I think she's too smart for this. She'd not miss a beat not helping. She enjoys watching others work and reading or doing other things. I love the idea though. I want to somehow find a way to make this work for me... Genius.
ReplyDelete