Karen's Journey

BOO! Today was pumpkin carving day. Pumpkin carving is a lot more work than I expected it to be. First you have to cut the top off, then you have to scoop out all the "guts" (ewww), then you have to figure out what you want your pumpkin to look like, and then your Mommy or Daddy has to cut out the design.  Aww, this pumpkin is so cute!   T made his pumpkin really scary. T's Mommy's pumpkin is a happy pumpkin. T's Daddy's pumpkin is silly. I was trying to decide which one I like best, but I can't. Can you? Which pumpkin is silly? Which pumpkin is happy?  Which pumpkin is scary? Today is my last day with T. Tomorrow I go back to school and will go home with another great kid. I hope T and his family keep having a lot of fun. I know he's looking forward to hearing about all my new adventures with my next friend!    Looking cool for school!

Everyone was really busy with chores and errands today. I hung out with the pumpkins that were inside warming up getting ready for carving. T had his second ice skating lesson. I didn't go with him, because he has enough to think about trying to stay standing up on the ice. Tomorrow is pumpkin carving day! Yippee! Almost went down here! But he recovered -- this time.   Looking forward to pumpkin carving tomorrow! Are those pumpkins on T's jammies, or planets?

I was so excited all day, waiting for it to be time to go to Family Fun Night at Stonehedge. Finally, it was time to go! I helped with T's snake face painting. Then I stayed with T's Daddy while T played with his friends. We ate pizza again -- twice in one week! What a fun night! I hope I get to go again next year! Here I am helping with T's face painting. Snakes are easy to draw. You just make them look like the letter 'S'.

Wow. This week is sure going by quickly. I had kind of a quiet day today, but T and his Daddy came home early. That meant I got to play with T earlier than usual! Hooray! After dinner we played the Cars matching game. T is the champion matching game player, but his Mommy did pretty well tonight. She kind of won, but T also kind of won because he was helping me, so he gets credit for both his matches and mine.  T's favorite matching game. I got a match!  Here are all the cards I got! Not too shabby! Before bed, T read the book  Can You See Me? to me. He read the whole book, all by himself, except I helped by pointing at the words. Wow! Reading is FUN! I hear that tomorrow night I'm going to Family Fun Night at Stonehedge. Woohoo!

Today was band night! Awesomeness! First of all, it's always pizza night on band night -- and we got dessert.  Mmmm, pizza! Then I got to play drums with T.  I liked all the noise I could make playing the drums! I also helped T's Daddy play guitar and sing vocals and T's friend M play bass.  Giving T's Daddy some help with vocals . M gave me a lesson in playing bass! He's really good! I learned a lot from him. We rocked the house! T and  his Mommy went out to get T some new sneakers while the band rehearsed, and when they got back they could hear us from outside! We played all original tunes. I was glad they didn't do a cover of Peter Gabriel's "Shock the Monkey." Whew .

Today I stayed home with T's Mommy while T went to school. I helped her work. She helps public broadcasting stations raise money. I think she needs help cleaning her office, but I don't seem to have a functioning opposable thumb, so she's on her own. Maybe I can vacuum.  Here I am, hard at work! But, I got to play with her PBS friends and drink hot cocoa out of her radio station mugs. Bonus! Where in the world is Rainbow?

Hi! My name is Rainbow. I'm visiting T from school this week, and I want to keep all my friends updated on our fun activities together.   Here I am, riding Genny, the West Genesee Wildcat! I arrived at T's house at about the same time as the IRS notice that T's Mommy needs to find and send more documentation for this year's taxes. She was sure happy to see both of us! But we went to Friendly's for dinner and once she got to know me, she realized how fun I am to be around and I made her laugh on a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.  T's Mommy doesn't like those pink papers from the IRS very much. But she sure likes me! T had hamburgers and apple slices for dinner. This is the first time he's ever chosen apple slices over french fries. His mommy was very happy to see him gobbling up his apple. Then he got a sundae for dessert. I tried to steal an M & M out of his ice cream dish, but I was busted! Oh well, M & Ms aren't good fo...

Although they are mostly on the ground now (sigh), the leaves of Fall have been entertaining T, as he carefully selects the prettiest ones to give to Mommy. He wants to make a crown for me out of them. Mr. Crabby Pants can walk out of the house to wait for the bus in the morning, but something about searching for the most brightly colored leaves changes his mind-set, and I get my happy, loving child back. Who actually will accept the kiss and hug he refused five minutes before. Leaf hunting therapy. Whatever works!

When I was younger, fall was my favorite season. It seemed, as I day-dreamed out the school windows, that the crimsons, golds, and fiery oranges were a painted canvas to be enjoyed for weeks on end. Now the leaves are a fleeting show of glorious colors one weekend only to be ripped off by a windstorm the next, leaving us to stare at a world of gray and white for the next seven months. Perhaps if I actually had a window to look out while working, I could contentedly watch the season ease into into its show throughout the weeks of September and October, until finally exploding into the grand finale -- and not feel so cheated when the leaves are so unceremoniously flung to the ground to make way for the coming snow. Oh, autumn, to quote Marvell: "...yonder all before us lie Deserts of vast eternity. Thy beauty shall no more be found..." So while I was at Green Lakes over the weekend, I took time to just soak in the colors, albeit with a five year old at my side peppering m...

I'm not going to say that using the tips we learned at the attachment seminar has created a life of sunshine and daisies for us, but we may be making progress. The other night, T wanted to play games on my computer. I agreed to let him play for 20 minutes if he would play Connect Four with me afterward. He decided he'd rather play his matching game, so I agreed to that. So for 20 minutes, T played Cheetah Racer on the pbs.kids website. Then we played the matching game, and he once again blew me out of the water. I cannot beat him at that game, no matter how hard I try. After he brushed his teeth and got his jammies on, and was heading toward the living room for our nightly fix of one PBS program or another, he turned around, hugged me, and said, "Thank you Mommy, for letting me use your computer and playing matching game with me." A "WOW" moment! Cartwheels and handsprings! Walking in the woods together -- another attempt at attachment work. Someone wa...

I'm apparently having a hard time letting go of summer. Another Rockport, Mass. summer photo. It brings to mind one of my favorite childhood poems: Where Go the Boats (RLS) D ARK brown is the river.     Golden is the sand.   It flows along for ever,     With trees on either hand.      Green leaves a-floating,          5   Castles of the foam,   Boats of mine a-boating—     Where will all come home?      On goes the river     And out past the mill,   10 Away down the valley,     Away down the hill.      Away down the river,     A hundred miles or more,   Other little children   15   Shall bring my boats ashore

More from our seminar with Dr. Eshleman, who shared this list: Top Eight Don'ts for Parents Working Through Attachment in Adoption: 1) Don't take your child's behavior personally. 2) Don't get into blaming 3) Don't doubt yourself. You are your child's expert. 4) Don't always accept the first diagnosis. 5) Don't give up hope. 6) Don't go beyond your limits -- don't overstress yourself. 7) Don't believe that one person cannot do anything to make a difference. 8) Don't forget to join a network. I personally am on several listservs. I also found out about a support group in our area for adoptive moms. Dr. Eshleman recommends the Attachment and Trauma Network, which I have not yet checked out. Happy attaching!

S and I attended a GREAT attachment in adoption seminar yesterday, led by Dr. Eshleman. She has or had a clinic that specialized in attachment issues in Lancaster, PA, and really seems to know her stuff. As Sean put it, usually when he goes to seminars he thinks a lot of it is BS, but he never thought that once about our entire day. We came away with a lot of good things to work on, and I don't want to be stingy, so I'm sharing them here, for those who are struggling, desperate, or hanging off the edge of a cliff right now. We got into a lot of why our kids are they way they are, which I think every parent needs to learn about and understand, in order to buy into the fixes, but I just want to share the toolbox ideas here. There are plenty of books about why our children are so hurt -- emotionally traumatized -- and how that affects brain development. One of my favorites right now is "Adopting the Hurt Child" by Keck and Kupecky. There are a number of therapies that ...