Teaching My Son What it Means to be a Black Man in America

Hoodie Danger

My son is six years old. He looks nothing but cute as a button in a hoodie. Give him ten more years and he could be another Trayvon Martin. How many eyes will look at him and judge him guilty of blackmaleness, and at what age will that start?

I'm not sure you quite get this sense of dread, horror, fear if you are not parenting a young black male. I see the world differently now -- I see it through the eyes of a mother of a black child..Yes, white mothers have to teach their white sons to avoid the dangerous park after dark.  But I have to teach my son how to deal with drivingwhileblack. Walkingwhileblack. Whatnottowearifyou'reblack. There is a whole set of rules that white parents just don't ever need to learn...or teach their children. I have to teach my son the usual stranger danger lessons -- plus how not to get shot for being a black male in America.

And where is the manual for this? Can I check a book out of the library: How to Stay Alive In This Country as a Black Man? This is one reason I hesitated to adopt a boy of color. "What do I know about being a black male in America?" I asked the social worker. But after talking to my sister-in-law, who raised three biracial children, I was more confident. I felt like I had a mentor I could turn to and that the challenges wouldn't be as great as I'd feared. And to date, I don't have a single "this is what some bigoted white person did to my black child" story to tell. He has been completely accepted by our community. He has a zillion friends. His teachers have loved him, from the three-year-old room right up through kindergarten.

But now Trayvon Martin is dead for having the audacity to be walking through his father's neighborhood, and my head is spinning. My child has the ability to accomplish great things in his life -- if he lives long enough to do so. The day will come, and probably sooner than I want it to, when I will start having to teach him the harsh realities of how he will be judged and feared for the color of his skin.

It's almost laughable to think of anyone ever being afraid of my little T. Such a personable child with a beautiful smile and kind heart. Nothing I read about Trayvon Martin leads me to believe he was any different -- just older and bigger, and, apparently, scarier.

The white moms I know who are raising or who have raised white boys tell me I'm overreacting. But they are not raising little boys who will grow up to be black men. Those of us who are raising our brown-skinned boys are terrified. If somehow it turns out that "stand your ground" can justify chasing down and shooting someone who has not threatened you and is actually trying to get away from you, how is that any different than lynching by shooting? .

There must be justice for Trayvon. One day this must be a just society for everyone, not only the privileged white people with guns. One day a black man in America should be able to walk down the street without having to be constantly alert to the inherent dangers of blackmaleness.