One Angry White-Privileged Mom
I was blissfully away on workation last week when all hell broke loose on young black men. I stay away from news when I'm on retreat in the mountains, so I have to confess to not having an in-depth knowledge of each case.
But, I know enough to be angry and I know enough to be frightened for my son.
When we were considering adoption, we knew we wanted to adopt a boy. Then we were asked about race. My initial reaction was to not adopt a child of color -- whether from this country or internationally. "What do I know about raising a black boy in America?" I said to the social worker.
But as things happen, we were eventually led to Ethiopia where we brought home with us one of the cutest boys ever. With skin I just want to eat up -- the color of milk chocolate -- but a color that, once he reaches a certain age -- will put him in jeopardy just because it's not white.
I was hopeful -- we had an African-American president. My son has never known a president whose skin isn't brown -- although he will argue that President Obama isn't really brown. Not African brown.
But then came Trayvon Martin.
And then John Crawford -- who -- in a time when mobs of white privilege Americans flaunt "right to open carry" laws by entering restaurants and stores like Target and Walmart packing guns -- was shot to death by police in a Walmart for having the audacity to have selected to purchase something the store stocks for sale -- a toy gun. A TOY GUN.
White privilege says, "Well when he was told by police to drop the gun and turn around, he just turned around without dropping the gun."
White privilege could have gotten away with that. White privilege could have said to oneself, "What the heck are they talking about, 'drop the gun?'" White privilege wouldn't have thought for half a second that the cops would think the toy gun they had picked up OFF THE SHELF in order to bring it to the register to buy it was being perceived as a threat.
Neither did John Crawford, apparently. But he didn't have the fortune of white privilege. He had black maleness, and he was shot and killed for it. While throngs of white thugs openly carry real guns into restaurants and Walmart stores grinning like fools. How many of them have been shot and killed by the police? How many have even been confronted by the cops?
And then, oh then, came the case of Michael Brown in Ferguson, Missouri. Somewhere in the general vicinity of where he was walking -- UNARMED -- with a friend, a convenience store was robbed by a suspect who was described as a black man.
White privilege allows for white people to walk down streets where an as yet unidentified white male has committed a crime and not have the police stop them for white maleness. Not every white person is considered a suspect simply on the basis of their skin color. Other identifying characteristics are needed: clothing, height, weight, age, style of hair.
But Michael Brown was black, and that was all that was needed. If you're black, you're a suspect. Because all blacks look alike, right? Because if you're a young black male, you're probably guilty of something. Guilty of getting good grades and being days away from starting college is not even within the realm of possibility, apparently.
White privilege would have allowed a non-brown man to put his hands up in the air in a surrender pose and say, "Don't shoot me!" and the police would have recognized his behavior as submissive and backed down. How many white people are shot and killed by the police while in the act of surrendering?
But Michael Brown didn't have white privilege. He had black maleness. And now all goodness and promise that he had to contribute to this world is gone.
White privilege goes on to defend the police for not knowing which black men are bad and which black men are good. White privilege doesn't get that the same holds true for white folk. And yet the police don't walk around assuming every.single.white.male is a criminal.
White privilege then diverts attention from the issue at hand -- the police SHOT TO DEATH A YOUNG MAN WHO HAD HIS HANDS UP IN THE AIR AND WAS PLEADING, "Don't shoot me!" by leading the conversation in the direction of subsequent looting. Red herring. It doesn't excuse the first act. This isn't a conversation about looting. It's a conversation about ingrained, institutionalized racism. It's a conversation about police automatically seeing black maleness as a crime in and of itself.
White privilege says, "If the police officer who shot the man was black, would there be such an uproar?" Again, a red herring. IT WASN'T A BLACK POLICE OFFICER. THE COP WAS WHITE. What ifs don't count here. What we are talking about is what is.
My son doesn't have white privilege. He's gotten in trouble at school for telling "your momma" jokes when the white kids were telling the same jokes without any ramifications. I sent the red "your parent needs to sign and return this note so that I know they know how bad you were" note back with a note telling her that if he was going to be singled out, she needed to speak to the entire class, because he was only doing what all the other boys were doing, and what my very white Irish husband did when he was six and seven and eight years old. The fact that I had to point out that this was not a black thing but a little boy thing pisses me the hell off. To her credit she did speak to the whole class. But not until an angry white mom set her straight. Very politely of course. I wonder how much of her following up on my suggestion had to do with my white privilege. Would she have done the same for a black mom?
I also received a phone call from the same teacher that a couple of other parents had called to tell her that their kids were complaining about him. When I asked for specifics, she admitted there were none. I told her that if a parent can't name a specific behavior that merits them calling her to complain, I should not even hear about the complaint, and she should be telling the complaining parent not to call her unless they can identify a behavior. Again. White privilege prevented her from seeing this as a "if he's black, he's bad" thing on the part of the other parents.
This, I fear, is the beginning. In first grade he was already guilty of black maleness. Every kid whines about other kids from time to time. What do we say when our kids do this? First of all, we find out what the kid did. If our child can't identify something specific, we tell him, "I don't want to hear about it unless you can tell me exactly how he's bothering you. I can't go to the teacher unless I have something to go to the teacher about."
But when it's the black kid who's being whined about, whoa, those white parents hit the phone faster than you can say Jim Crow. And white privilege grants them the right to have the teacher listen to them and then call the mom of the black kid.
My guess is that if those parents knew T had white parents, they wouldn't be on that phone so fast. They likely would react the same way they would if those vague complaints came in about a white classmate. For now, he has some insulation of white privilege by virtue of Hubs's and my whiteness. But someday he will have to make his own way in the world in this country. And that scares the heck out of me.
(And his attachment issues with me are not a problem for him in school. He gets glowing remarks from teachers about being a pleasure to have in class and the community at large about being a delightful child -- "such a nice young man" one person put it just yesterday.)
White privilege allows white parents to tell their white children that the police are their friends. I have to see the world through my black child's eyes and teach him that the police will always presume he's guilty. Knowing that even if he's got his arms up in the air showing he's unarmed and is saying, "Don't shoot me!" he may still get the death penalty.
When our plane touched down on the runway at Dulles International Airport in Washington, D.C., I cried as I said to T, "Welcome to America," wondering if I'd brought him out of the frying pan and into the fire. The events that have transpired from Trayvon to John to Michael -- and hundreds of other young black males tell me that I was right in that fear.
When I see those mobs of white gun toters grinning idiotically from ear to ear, I want to punch them. I want to punch the people who cheer them on. Because their white privilege prevents them from even thinking about what would happen if a group of young black males tried the same thing. They're so proud of pushing their second amendment rights down our throats that they don't even stop to consider that "due process" -- also a constitutional right, from the fifth amendment -- only applies to those born with white privilege.
"Nor shall any person…be deprived of LIFE, LIBERTY, or property without due process of law…"
Apparently the bill of rights stops at black males. Still.
But, I know enough to be angry and I know enough to be frightened for my son.
When we were considering adoption, we knew we wanted to adopt a boy. Then we were asked about race. My initial reaction was to not adopt a child of color -- whether from this country or internationally. "What do I know about raising a black boy in America?" I said to the social worker.
But as things happen, we were eventually led to Ethiopia where we brought home with us one of the cutest boys ever. With skin I just want to eat up -- the color of milk chocolate -- but a color that, once he reaches a certain age -- will put him in jeopardy just because it's not white.
I was hopeful -- we had an African-American president. My son has never known a president whose skin isn't brown -- although he will argue that President Obama isn't really brown. Not African brown.
But then came Trayvon Martin.
And then John Crawford -- who -- in a time when mobs of white privilege Americans flaunt "right to open carry" laws by entering restaurants and stores like Target and Walmart packing guns -- was shot to death by police in a Walmart for having the audacity to have selected to purchase something the store stocks for sale -- a toy gun. A TOY GUN.
White privilege says, "Well when he was told by police to drop the gun and turn around, he just turned around without dropping the gun."
White privilege could have gotten away with that. White privilege could have said to oneself, "What the heck are they talking about, 'drop the gun?'" White privilege wouldn't have thought for half a second that the cops would think the toy gun they had picked up OFF THE SHELF in order to bring it to the register to buy it was being perceived as a threat.
Neither did John Crawford, apparently. But he didn't have the fortune of white privilege. He had black maleness, and he was shot and killed for it. While throngs of white thugs openly carry real guns into restaurants and Walmart stores grinning like fools. How many of them have been shot and killed by the police? How many have even been confronted by the cops?
And then, oh then, came the case of Michael Brown in Ferguson, Missouri. Somewhere in the general vicinity of where he was walking -- UNARMED -- with a friend, a convenience store was robbed by a suspect who was described as a black man.
White privilege allows for white people to walk down streets where an as yet unidentified white male has committed a crime and not have the police stop them for white maleness. Not every white person is considered a suspect simply on the basis of their skin color. Other identifying characteristics are needed: clothing, height, weight, age, style of hair.
But Michael Brown was black, and that was all that was needed. If you're black, you're a suspect. Because all blacks look alike, right? Because if you're a young black male, you're probably guilty of something. Guilty of getting good grades and being days away from starting college is not even within the realm of possibility, apparently.
White privilege would have allowed a non-brown man to put his hands up in the air in a surrender pose and say, "Don't shoot me!" and the police would have recognized his behavior as submissive and backed down. How many white people are shot and killed by the police while in the act of surrendering?
But Michael Brown didn't have white privilege. He had black maleness. And now all goodness and promise that he had to contribute to this world is gone.
White privilege goes on to defend the police for not knowing which black men are bad and which black men are good. White privilege doesn't get that the same holds true for white folk. And yet the police don't walk around assuming every.single.white.male is a criminal.
White privilege then diverts attention from the issue at hand -- the police SHOT TO DEATH A YOUNG MAN WHO HAD HIS HANDS UP IN THE AIR AND WAS PLEADING, "Don't shoot me!" by leading the conversation in the direction of subsequent looting. Red herring. It doesn't excuse the first act. This isn't a conversation about looting. It's a conversation about ingrained, institutionalized racism. It's a conversation about police automatically seeing black maleness as a crime in and of itself.
White privilege says, "If the police officer who shot the man was black, would there be such an uproar?" Again, a red herring. IT WASN'T A BLACK POLICE OFFICER. THE COP WAS WHITE. What ifs don't count here. What we are talking about is what is.
My son doesn't have white privilege. He's gotten in trouble at school for telling "your momma" jokes when the white kids were telling the same jokes without any ramifications. I sent the red "your parent needs to sign and return this note so that I know they know how bad you were" note back with a note telling her that if he was going to be singled out, she needed to speak to the entire class, because he was only doing what all the other boys were doing, and what my very white Irish husband did when he was six and seven and eight years old. The fact that I had to point out that this was not a black thing but a little boy thing pisses me the hell off. To her credit she did speak to the whole class. But not until an angry white mom set her straight. Very politely of course. I wonder how much of her following up on my suggestion had to do with my white privilege. Would she have done the same for a black mom?
I also received a phone call from the same teacher that a couple of other parents had called to tell her that their kids were complaining about him. When I asked for specifics, she admitted there were none. I told her that if a parent can't name a specific behavior that merits them calling her to complain, I should not even hear about the complaint, and she should be telling the complaining parent not to call her unless they can identify a behavior. Again. White privilege prevented her from seeing this as a "if he's black, he's bad" thing on the part of the other parents.
This, I fear, is the beginning. In first grade he was already guilty of black maleness. Every kid whines about other kids from time to time. What do we say when our kids do this? First of all, we find out what the kid did. If our child can't identify something specific, we tell him, "I don't want to hear about it unless you can tell me exactly how he's bothering you. I can't go to the teacher unless I have something to go to the teacher about."
But when it's the black kid who's being whined about, whoa, those white parents hit the phone faster than you can say Jim Crow. And white privilege grants them the right to have the teacher listen to them and then call the mom of the black kid.
My guess is that if those parents knew T had white parents, they wouldn't be on that phone so fast. They likely would react the same way they would if those vague complaints came in about a white classmate. For now, he has some insulation of white privilege by virtue of Hubs's and my whiteness. But someday he will have to make his own way in the world in this country. And that scares the heck out of me.
(And his attachment issues with me are not a problem for him in school. He gets glowing remarks from teachers about being a pleasure to have in class and the community at large about being a delightful child -- "such a nice young man" one person put it just yesterday.)
White privilege allows white parents to tell their white children that the police are their friends. I have to see the world through my black child's eyes and teach him that the police will always presume he's guilty. Knowing that even if he's got his arms up in the air showing he's unarmed and is saying, "Don't shoot me!" he may still get the death penalty.
When our plane touched down on the runway at Dulles International Airport in Washington, D.C., I cried as I said to T, "Welcome to America," wondering if I'd brought him out of the frying pan and into the fire. The events that have transpired from Trayvon to John to Michael -- and hundreds of other young black males tell me that I was right in that fear.
When I see those mobs of white gun toters grinning idiotically from ear to ear, I want to punch them. I want to punch the people who cheer them on. Because their white privilege prevents them from even thinking about what would happen if a group of young black males tried the same thing. They're so proud of pushing their second amendment rights down our throats that they don't even stop to consider that "due process" -- also a constitutional right, from the fifth amendment -- only applies to those born with white privilege.
"Nor shall any person…be deprived of LIFE, LIBERTY, or property without due process of law…"
Apparently the bill of rights stops at black males. Still.
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