Here Comes Santa Claus

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Adopting the Older Child -- Part 4: Power Struggles

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The stairs at the right of the photo were the site of one of our early power struggles -- T wanted to jump from the platform, and I didn't want to him cracking open his skull. "I don't like you. You mean." I hear that a lot, typically in response to things like "Time to pick up your toys," or "You need to take your vitamin," or "It's time to get dressed for school," or "Time to brush your teeth." Basic, every day power struggle stuff. T wants to keep playing, doesn't want to go to school, doesn't like any of his clothes, doesn't understand why he needs to brush his teeth twice a day every day, and most definitely does not want to take those yucky vitamins. He even rebels at being called to the dinner table. I try to avoid power struggles by using the options approach: "It's time to get ready for school -- do you want to get dressed first or brush your teeth first?" Or, "It's time to get ...
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The End of the Road

I am reprinting here what I wrote back in April of 2010, nearly four years ago. I was so full of hope and naivete. The truth is that I have been unable to help T move forward in any way. I wanted a happy ending. I wanted him to learn to love me as his mom. I don't think either is possible at this point. He has most definitely not accepted us as his family. There has been nothing awe-inspiring about this journey. It has just been hard and bleak. As he gets older, the problems are becoming more difficult and scary. I don't blame T at all. My empathy for him runs deep, deep, deep. I feel tremendous sadness for that scared little boy who was ripped from his mother's arms as she screamed, desperately trying to hang onto him, and then sent away without a word of explanation to live with strange people in a strange land. That he has not been able to cope is not his fault. And I am tired of people who seem to insinuate that his inability to be resilient and come out of h...
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Autumn Leaves -- Too Quickly

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When I was younger, fall was my favorite season. It seemed, as I day-dreamed out the school windows, that the crimsons, golds, and fiery oranges were a painted canvas to be enjoyed for weeks on end. Now the leaves are a fleeting show of glorious colors one weekend only to be ripped off by a windstorm the next, leaving us to stare at a world of gray and white for the next seven months. Perhaps if I actually had a window to look out while working, I could contentedly watch the season ease into into its show throughout the weeks of September and October, until finally exploding into the grand finale -- and not feel so cheated when the leaves are so unceremoniously flung to the ground to make way for the coming snow. Oh, autumn, to quote Marvell: "...yonder all before us lie Deserts of vast eternity. Thy beauty shall no more be found..." So while I was at Green Lakes over the weekend, I took time to just soak in the colors, albeit with a five year old at my side peppering m...
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