Away in a Manger

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Autumn Leaves -- Too Quickly

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When I was younger, fall was my favorite season. It seemed, as I day-dreamed out the school windows, that the crimsons, golds, and fiery oranges were a painted canvas to be enjoyed for weeks on end. Now the leaves are a fleeting show of glorious colors one weekend only to be ripped off by a windstorm the next, leaving us to stare at a world of gray and white for the next seven months. Perhaps if I actually had a window to look out while working, I could contentedly watch the season ease into into its show throughout the weeks of September and October, until finally exploding into the grand finale -- and not feel so cheated when the leaves are so unceremoniously flung to the ground to make way for the coming snow. Oh, autumn, to quote Marvell: "...yonder all before us lie Deserts of vast eternity. Thy beauty shall no more be found..." So while I was at Green Lakes over the weekend, I took time to just soak in the colors, albeit with a five year old at my side peppering m...
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Adopting the Older Child -- Part 4: Power Struggles

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The stairs at the right of the photo were the site of one of our early power struggles -- T wanted to jump from the platform, and I didn't want to him cracking open his skull. "I don't like you. You mean." I hear that a lot, typically in response to things like "Time to pick up your toys," or "You need to take your vitamin," or "It's time to get dressed for school," or "Time to brush your teeth." Basic, every day power struggle stuff. T wants to keep playing, doesn't want to go to school, doesn't like any of his clothes, doesn't understand why he needs to brush his teeth twice a day every day, and most definitely does not want to take those yucky vitamins. He even rebels at being called to the dinner table. I try to avoid power struggles by using the options approach: "It's time to get ready for school -- do you want to get dressed first or brush your teeth first?" Or, "It's time to get ...
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Trauma Mama Daily Affirmation Day 9

If my child will not do an assigned chore, DO NOT FIGHT WITH HIM OVER IT. Doing chores because "we're a family and everyone pitches in to help out the family" is tough for a kid who  does not want to be part of this family . Simply tell him, "That's okay. I will do it. But come sit in the room with me while I do it." I tried this out last night with T, who does not want to have to set the table every night -- or any night -- and the fact that he eats the food is just too logical for him right now. When he's feeling like we're not being fair, or that he's being forced to get his ticket punched as part of our family, his brain drops into lower brain mode, where logic is a lost cause. So I told him to wash his hands anyway, and just come sit in the room with me. Of course my child wanted to know why he had to sit in the room while I did his chore. He needs a reason for everything. "Because I love to see your beautiful face and I don...
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