Karen's Journey

One happy kid with a totally messy "afoo." Bagels and cream cheese. Yum! After he'd been home for a while, T came up with some Ethiopian words that either he'd been holding back on, or he just made some up, plus we learned a couple from a Sidamic vocabulary list we found. I've since found a much more extensive listing, but when I try those words out on him, he has no idea what I'm saying. It really is shocking how fast the first language has melted away. Taffa: tush . As in him laughing at me, "Too big taffa," as I tried to ride his little scoot bike. Could be Sidamic, Amharic, or Teshale-speak. This one came into his vocabulary about three months home, so I'm not sure of its origin. He sure liked saying "taffa" though. Now he prefers "butt." He learns so much from hanging out with other little boys his age. I kind of hope "taffa" is a real word. It's fun being able to talk potty talk in another language. As for...

T and one of his many beloved cars that he likes to sing about Wow, I never would have thought it would take three posts to list T's Sidamic words that we came to understand. He must have taught us more than I realized. There were many more things he said or sang that I never quite figured out. Like when he would stand in the street and say three commands and then take off. Clearly his words for 'on your mark, get set, GO!'. He doesn't remember any more, and I was never clear on what he was saying. Unfortunately if we ever asked him to repeat so we could understand, he would just get angry and clam up, so we had to be good at hearing clearly the first time through, and then being able to repeat it without butchering it. Enni: or ahenny -- he said it both ways: Look! Probably Sidamic. I didn't hear this at first -- he was probably home three weeks before he started using this word. He probably didn't care at first if I was proud of him, but eventually he wan...

A boy and his kwas. So, back to the word list. As hard as I try to get them all down, I know I'm going to miss some. T's been adding some lately, and we're not quite sure if they're really Sidamic words, or if they're Teshale-speak. I'll add those in a later post as an addendum. Kwas: Ball . How could I not have mentioned kwas in my first posting?! It was one of our first words, and our very first activity with our son. I'm fairly certain it's Amharic, as all the guards, who spoke Amharic, used it when speaking of a ball. After our initial meeting, where he picked Daddy to hug and hold on to, T wasn't very interested in me. Then we found a soccer kwas. I kicked it to him, who kicked it with amazing strength and accuracy right back to me. Back and forth we played, while Sean took pictures. After we connected by playing kwas, Teshale finally allowed me to pick him up and cuddle him for the first time. I wish I could remember the moment with sterling c...

T drinking ' wah ' at Horizon House's Big Kids Guest House I kept saying that I needed to write down all Teshale's Sidamic words before he stopped using them and I forgot them. I might be past that point. He rarely speaks anything but English now, and I don't know that I can possibly remember all the words he used to use, and that we learned to understand. He doesn't even remember some of his first language words now. At any rate, this is as good a place as any to document his first language. It's a bit tricky, because his first language was Sidamic , but when he was moved to Horizon House, he had to learn Amharic, and in some cases we don't know whether his words were Sidamic or Amharic. Selam : Hello. Amharic is one of the Semitic languages, which includes Hebrew and Arabic, among others, hence their 'hello' is similar to 'Shalom' in Hebrew. People were kind when we said 'hello' in English, but their faces lit up if we greete...

The New York State Senate passed a no-fault divorce bill on recently, moving the Empire State within reach of aligning with the other 49 states in this country. The bill needs to pass the Assembly before reaching the governor's desk. I've been working for many years to try to bring this about. While I have some misgivings about this particular bill, I'm hopeful that something is better than the current antiquated system that allows one spouse to hold another hostage to an unhappy and unhealthy marriage. While this may seem to be off-topic in regards to my adoption journey, the road I have traveled has been part of this journey In pursuit of a more just and humane divorce system, I have testified before several different audiences -- including the New York State Women's Bar Association, the New York State Bar Association, members of the New York State Legislature, and on national television on Fox's Morning Show with Mike and Juliet -- over the past three or four y...

Hiking in the Adirondacks while waiting for our referral In late July last year, shortly after receiving word that we had officially been placed on the wait list for a referral, I sent out an email to family and friends letting them know of our milestone. In that email I wrote, "...somewhere in Ethiopia there's a little boy making his way to us as we are making our way to him." I had no way of knowing then how sadly prophetic my words were. The details of Teshale's story are not ours to share at this time, but I can say that our lives so neatly dovetailed that one might be tempted to say it was fate, karma, God's will, coincidence, a force of the universe, or whatever one wants to name it. I can't help but recoil from the realization that our hope and delight in finally getting to the status of "officially waiting" were so aligned with our son's loss. I waited patiently for the first six weeks or so. It was summer -- there was a garden to tend, t...

For a while, we had a new "word of the day" nearly every day. One day it was "yummy," another it was "bike," and another it was "tickle." Now the word of the week, or maybe month, seems to be "NO!" Teshale started out communicating this concept with the Amharic word "ai," pronounced "eye." He eventually switched to "eh-eh, eh-eh," which I was grateful for at the time, because I much preferred being told "eh-eh" to being hit or punched. He was using his words, as we say so often to children of all ages. Then for some reason it became "nay," which I always see in my mind as "nae," probably because it goes so well with his "thank-ee" which to me sounds so middle English or Scottish, or something along that line. We worked long and hard to get him to make that long 'o' sound. "Ooooo," we'd say and have him repeat it with us. Once he'd get ...

The media has really had a field day with the news of the woman who sent her 7-year-old son back to Russia. It's a terribly sad story for everyone involved. I have no idea what the family endured, but it sounds horrific. I know that the first month with Teshale was very difficult for me, so I have empathy for anyone who is struggling with a child post-placement. I also have empathy for the children. They have been through great hardships at such a young age -- such loss and rejection. They are thrown into new families in a new place with no preparation and little understanding of what it all means. I had a choice in all of this, so it's easy for me to want to love my son. He on the other hand has had no choice in anything that has happened to him. We're all warned that the older adopted child might have this issue or that issue, but in my opinion the warning isn't strong enough. I think anyone adopting internationally should be cautioned that with rare exception, eve...

Teshale playing by the tempting bus ladder in the courtyard/parking lot at Horizon House I wanted to post this months ago, but had to take a blogging break to deal with a serious illness in the family. The background on this post is that it was difficult to send emails out of Addis (unreliable dial up) but we were able to send a few to update family on how we were getting along with our new son. Our families found them very amusing, and I thought it would be fun to share them with everyone. Feb. 2: Sean is sick from last night's dinner, as are two others. He's doing better and has eaten some soup. I went to see Teshale alone this morning. This is what he did: 1) played with hose out back, figuring out how to drain the water out (he's intensely curious about how to figure out how things work and how to solve problems) 2) climbed toy shelves to get at water bottles people had left there (everything on the shelves is open game for them, so I have to get oth...

Teshale, March 2010, in his beloved "machina" sweater Thought a compilation of Facebook postings might be a good way to paint a picture of our life together so far: Jan. 27: Leaving 11:30 a.m. today for airport . Arriving Addis Ababa tomorrow at 7:30 p.m., guest house around 9 - 10 p.m., then up at 5 a.m. (9 p.m. SYR time) to go to birth family visit, back to Addis on Saturday sometime (6 hour trip). So won't get to meet Teshale until Sat. afternoon. A million things to do before we go! Feb. 10: Home with Teshale after an unexpected layover in DC (but thankful we got out ahead of this storm). Traveled 14,000 miles round trip to adopt a child with the Lauser temper. God has a sense of humor. To hear him giggle with delight and call "Mommy, mommy, mommy" every time he discovers something new makes it all worthwhile. Feb. 11: Luxury is being able to rinse your toothbrush under the tap water. And taking a hot shower without getting electric shocks. Feb. ...

I feel like I should have put a lot more thought into this, but thinking isn't doing, and if I didn't start, it was never going to happen. I don't have a particular goal in mind, other than to write down the thoughts that come to me throughout the day, particularly regarding our adoption journey, but possibly on other topics as well. My name is Karen. My husband's name is Sean. Our son's name is Teshale (Tesh-AH-luh), which means "the best" or "above all the others." His original last name was Yoke (You-kay), which means "fast." Both names are quite accurate descriptions, as far as we're concerned. His adoption was finalized in Ethiopia on Dec. 30, 2009, and we brought him home to upstate New York on Feb. 9, 2010, after a 12-day journey to Ethiopia and back. Our journey to him actually began many years ago, and our journey with him has really just begun.